“I Hear The Whale!!”

August 21, 2014

There are times in life when it is necessary to stop and marvel at incredible sequences of events that lead to one perfect moment.  I bring you one recent circumstance from my journey while playing on the Marine Atlantic Ferry between Argentia, Newfoundland and North Sydney, Cape Breton.

WARNING – THIS BLOG POST IS ABSENT OF ANY SUBSTENCE OF INSPIRING NATURE, AND WAS WRITTEN FOR PURE ENJOYMENT OF LIFE’S FUNNY LITTLE OCCURRENCES.

One late afternoon before I was about to begin my onboard performance, I decided to take a walk on the outside lower deck (#7), to get a little sun and ocean breeze.  I hadn’t been outside more than a minute when a man I had previously met on another crossing approached me and asked if I had seen the whale.  About 5 seconds passed, and I was amazed to see the water surface below breach with a burst of air, followed by the massive tail of a hump back whale.

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I immediately ran up to my room to grab my camera, and ran to the high outside deck (#9) to see if I could get a better angle for a photo.  A few minutes went by, and I saw he beautiful creature again, managing to get a few great shots.

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I stayed a little longer for another opportunity, but it seemed as if the whale was heading back out to sea.  I zipped across to the other side of the boat to try my chances there, but to no avail.  However, as I approached the door back inside, the great wonders of timing displayed themselves.

On the way back in, there were a group of people leaning against the railing, looking peacefully out towards the ocean.  As I entered their proximity, one man began to pass gas……….Now, I use the term “began,” very purposefully, as what was to happen was beyond anything I previously thought possible by a human being on this earth.

I would have quantified this ripper at a magnitude strong enough to blow his pants off, yet to my disbelief, it began to accelerate in velocity and volume…

Shortly after my recognition and acceptance of the situation, I began to chuckle…..upon noticing others reactions to the free musical production, I began to deep gut laugh….but the best was yet to come.

Just as the performance was building up to the crescendo, the man that originally notified me of the whale’s existence came bursting through the door, camera in hand, and eyes poised to the horizon.  He ran head first into the fart to rule all farts.  I could tell he still had the eager goal of getting a photo as I had done by the look in his eye.  In that moment, the man’s expression grew more excited, his hands fumbled with his lens cap as he raised the viewfinder to his face and towards the water.

At this point, my tear ducts began to flood with the hilarity of the scenario, only to be pushed further by the photographer yelling – “I HEAR THE WHALE!!!!!’  He then began to bring other’s attention to the presence of a whale…

I dropped to the ground….hard….paralyzed in what was one of the funniest sequence of events I have ever witnessed, only to be topped off with the man’s final realization of what the sound actually was.

As his face melted from overjoyed discovery to dumbfounded numbness and shock, I experienced a fierce cramping of my abdominal muscles, and a new world of silent state uncontrollable hysteria I had never experienced before.  Camera whale man quickly departed the premises, never to be seen again.

During the whole process, the conductor of flatulence never once budged or altered his stance, confidently delivering his gift to the world.  If only he had known what had happened behind him….Maybe he did!

Happy Tails from the road :).

Mr. Bard

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